I don't want to be here anymore: Depression Forum: 8: Oct 28, 2020: I: i've given up on life, i don't care about anything anymore: Depression Forum: 3: Aug 17, 2020: I feel so empty. The only good thing about it is my sister. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. This transcript is not a minute to minute dialog, but rather a compilation of many different parts to get the point across without hearing both sides of … I think to much. Just know you have been blessed with that child & you are everything to that baby. That doubt is there for a reason: There’s an important part of you that knows your life isn’t over yet. So many questions would run through my head when I thought about actually ending my life. It was just doing my head in, I felt: "I don't want to be here anymore". These iPhone and Android apps are designed to…, Depression hurts. The only way we can break the shame and stigma surrounding symptoms of depression is to talk about them, so to open up this discussion, we asked our mental health community to share with us depression symptoms they were most embarrassed of. life sucks. And while we often pair this mental illness with emotional pain like sadness, crying, and feelings of hopelessness, research shows…, Our feelings can affect how we handle situations and the way we run our lives. Now that that had been taken away, everything seemed new and exciting. If you don't have anxiety to talking to people in person than that is the best way to go even if its not a counselor and just someone you can confide in. It was a huge turning point, going from feeling everything at once to feeling nothing at all. I just almost don't want to do I just want out to the point I no longer see down the road, into my own future. It sounds like attention seeking. I’ve always been emotional open with my feelings. i’m so depressed. It wasn’t until I said that out loud, because I’d just been bottling it all in,” she said. I honestly don't want to be here anymore. Don’t give up things will get better! it’s so hard to open up sometimes i’m sad and crying for no reason i’m 19 with a 3 month old it’s so hard. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. Scrolling through post after post, I realized that actually, a lot of people understood. I’ll check on you tomorrow too. And for the first time, I didn’t feel quite so alone. I’m not going to tell you it isn’t a horrible, scary feeling. I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’m too afraid to die. And that we could. You matter. It sounds like you have PPD. But I promise you things can and often do get better. "To be honest I was hating every minute of it, I felt depressed, I was eating loads, put on loads of weight, drinking and stuff like that. Hi ladies - FTM here having a baby boy in March. Depression quotes and sayings about depression can provide insight into what it's like living with depression as well as inspiration and a feeling of "someone gets it." Sophie_M. i’m doing better still hard sometimes thank you for keeping me in mind ❤️. I just don’t … I have this deep rooted sadness that makes me feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. There’s a future you who will be so glad you listened. And, in all honesty, I think the nothingness was worse. What I want you to know — especially if, like me, you found yourself here through a Google search or a headline that caught your attention at the right time — is this: No matter how lonely or awful you feel, please know that you’re not alone. Based on the theory of CBT, we put together a guide to help you weed…, The negative voice that nags us can really take a toll when it goes unchecked, and yet few of us know how to push back. And then I realized: I’m not being silly. Most of the time I wish I was dead. SORRY REALLY LONG! I Don’t Want To Be Here Anymore The following is a transcript that was taken from a 103 minute recording in the fall of 2015. “Sash said, ‘Sam, I don’t know what to do anymore, because all you do is cry, and you’re not talking to me.’ And I said to him, ‘I don’t want to be here anymore. But I pressed enter anyway, desperate to find an answer for what I was feeling. “I’m suicidal but I don’t want to die,” read another. So here's my story. I've done it so many times now, that it feels like I have no opportunities left. A bit of BG. What if I attempted to kill myself and it went wrong? I don't want to kill myself, I just don't want to be here anymore; I want to disappear into the ether. I just had to find the strength … I'm so tired... so very tired. I started to see a therapist, who helped me gain some perspective. Frost choked back tears as she revealed her struggle with depression left her on the verge of ending it all. maddiekinsman 09/05/2017. But even if I didnt, I know I can never be content with life. You deserve someone who will respect you and treat you and your son like your their world! It’s hard for me some days! I know these trials seem unbearable but you will get thru them a stronger woman. Mark this post as helpful. Create an account or log in to participate. Whether it's a toxic relationship or an overall mental exhaustion, the momentum of your life gets quickly tossed out. I feel lost inside myself. I don't know you as a person so I can't speak for the best way for you to go about it. Pulled my boot straps up, leaned into my faith, and carried on. Hear directly from folks personally affected by suicide in order to give a face, name, and a voice to a much too common experience. Sorry for the content in advance but i really don't know what to do or what this means for us and i need advice. Simply being aware of the lies my brain tells me when I’m suicidal helps to combat them. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. If you like it, please give it a thumbs up and subscribe for more videos :) Song: In This Shirt by The Irrepressibles At times, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts. And despite the way I was feeling at the time, I’m so glad I Googled that question. Stay strong, cry hard, and remember your worth. You matter girl I promise I’ve been here before. I’m always faking a smile. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. (As I’ve written about before, here: The Difference Between Being Suicidal and Wanting to Die.) My husband and I are having the HARDEST time deciding on a name. This is a discussion on I don't want to be here anymore. I was miserable and I was stuck. I didn’t want to be alive or exist anymore. What happens to the people around me? “I saw the helplessness in his face and realised, it’s not fair for me to want to give up. have so much stuff going on in my life, feels so over whelming. I want you to know that it is no coincidence that all of your attempts, I don’t care how many or how extreme have failed. But I hadn’t picked apart my life to realize why. It’s given me the strength and determination to carry on. I have been with DH for 13 years and married for 4. I have a 14 month old daughter and a husband to take care of. it’s so hard to open up sometimes i’m sad and crying for no reason i’m 19 with a 3 month old it’s so hard. With time, I felt like I was living again, and most importantly, that I had and have a life worth living. reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. Could I do that to my family? I was in a toxic relationship and heavily depressed. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. And I questioned what the point in that was, exactly. If your loved one could reach you now, these are some of the things they would want you to know. Realizing this gave me hope. I don't even know why anymore. I felt selfish as I typed it, thinking about all of the people who had been suicidal, worrying that I was being disrespectful to those who had actually lost their lives that way. ... don't want to be here anymore. Why continue living if I didn’t actually feel like I was alive? Nov 24, 2019 - Explore Jordan Newton's board "I don’t want to be alive anymore" on Pinterest. I feel worn down by life and I want to give up. To look at how things could get better if I attempted to make changes. You just have to hold on to that doubt, however small it might be. But there was one thing contradicting that: I was scared to die. i was depressed before and my mom doesn’t believe in depression or anything so i literally feel like i have no one at all i just want someone to take care of me some days or to help me sometimes my heart hurts 24/7 and i try to smile through it but i’m getting so weak i just want to give up. I just want to be gone. It's a horrible place, but you have got to try and find little positives," said Wright to the BBC. Are you sure you want to delete your discussion? Here is the thing, I've gotten many job opportunities, and I argue with authority because I don't like the way they are doing things, or I get depressed and make excuses and end up quitting. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. What exactly happens after I die? I don’t want to be here anymore. You are not alone. I want to be gone, I am done, I don’t … My mind had been clouded by the anxiety, despair, monotony, and a relationship that was slowly destroying me. At the end of my rope, I turned to Google. I think a huge part of feeling as though I was just some form of existence was because my life was so predictable. I wake up each morning wishing that I hadn't. I don’t socialize, I play games … But knowing that I got through this truly difficult time in my life gives me the motivation to get through any other bad moments again. Learn more about, Your Guide to the First Trimester of Pregnancy, Your Guide to the Second Trimester of Pregnancy. Forums / Depression / I don’t know what to do. 5 Things Suicide Loss Survivors Should Know — from Someone Who’s Attempted, Suicide Survivors Share Their Stories and Advice in These Photos, What’s It Like to Be Suicidal? She always said I was the daughter... Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). Yes, I still got up every morning and made the bed, but the rest of the day would be at my hands, and slowly but surely, that started to excite me. © 2021 Everyday Health, Inc. I don’t want to put it onto anyone in real life. I suffer from depression anxiety diabetes and neuropathy. I had been suffering with severe anxiety caused by PTSD for several months, which had escalated to daily panic attacks. I typed this into Google a year ago, my hands shaking as I questioned what I meant. i … If you are interested and have an iPhone, I can add you to a PPD support group - one of the women is in Germany so we need to do it over wifi or cell data. See more ideas about sad quotes, depression quotes, me quotes. I still suffer with mental illness. Been thinking of you and hope you’ve had strength the past couple days. Here are five ways to keep…. “I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to exist,” read one. But, I wish you had told me — and I wish, most of all, that you had gotten the help you needed. Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Daily routines like getting up, making the bed, and working the day away felt almost mechanical. It’s the kind of suicidal depression where you want to die, you just don’t want to kill yourself. Even the best of us feel stuck at some point. I don’t know your name but I will pray for you tonight. I’m so tired, and I’m so alone. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I don't want to be here anymore. This had been taking over my life for so long until, all of a sudden, I snapped. depressed and don't want to be here anymore. We had all typed in the question with one expectation: answers. Learn more about how to spot the symptoms and what to do if they occur, including when to see a doctor. All rights reserved. I kept thinking that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I am here because the guilt of leaving them is too much and because I … I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m so glad I realized I wasn’t alone. I don't want to grow up, pay bills, have a job, have kids, get married all just to die in the end. There are many ways to treat depression — therapy, medication, exercise, food — and now mobile apps. Depression after surgery is not uncommon. What if it went right, but in the last few moments of my life I realized I had made a mistake and regretted it? … Like I said I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do. It came to a head last night where we had a big fight about it. And these questions would eventually lead me to the question, do I really want to die? That little guy of yours looks at you like your his whole world! These quotes on depression and depression sayings deal with different aspects of the illness such as grief, sadness, loneliness and other related issues. If that tiny bit of unease was still there, there was a chance I’d be making the wrong decision. It told me that if these people, like me, were still here — despite feeling all the same feelings — I could stay, too. i would love to be added to the group thank you ! We have tolerated each other. No matter what your experience of “embarrassing” depression symptoms looks like, we want you to know you aren’t alone. I was aware of my existence, but I wasn’t really experiencing it. “Hiding in my phone. If this last…. There are still bad days, and I know there always will be. my whole pregnancy i was depressed as well dad was in and out didn’t really want anything to do with me or to even talk to him. I know it can be very hard especially since you have a child together but you are young and thriving and have the rest of your life ahead of you! There were so many other people feeling the exact same way. Your baby boy needs his momma to be happy and if baby’s dad is causing you so much sadness and pain it might be time to let him go. But I still felt what I felt. Nobody should have to keep things bottled up! None of this content is mine. It felt like I had become separate from my own self, as though a part of me was just watching my body go through the motions. She writes about mental illness in hopes of diminishing the stigma and to encourage others to speak out. Hattie Gladwell is a mental health journalist, author, and advocate. Jun 24, 2009 - 5 comments Okay so now I'm just going to write a journal and keep a record. Things had been going downhill for a long time. We asked family members and survivors to share their stories. thank you so much that means a lot to me it’s so hard sometimes to do anything i really appreciate you praying for me thank you , I’m so sorry you are feeling this way and having to go through all of that! But it wasn’t going to be easy. That’s when everything went numb. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Because that unease led me to living a life I’m actually happy to be living. This action cannot be undone. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. They don’t. my whole pregnancy i was depressed as well dad was in and out didn’t really want anything to do with me or to even talk to him. Would people miss me? it’s so hard to even want to wake up in the morning. I'm sick of everything. Topic: I don’t know what to do 3 posts, 0 answered ... 19 December 2020 I’m ready to go, I don’t want to be here anymore. My very own thoughts are suffocating me. I felt distant from the world and from myself; my life felt almost as though it were on autopilot. My thoughts are killing me. - I am 35 weeks pregnant, and I am so depressed lately. A lot of people knew what it was like to not want to be here anymore but not want to die. I can email you back more details once you email me. I’m never okay. I was bombarded with intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings, urges to hurt myself, and feelings of despair. What should people look out for regarding signs and symptoms of depression? I want you to grow through all of this and make it and know that even though you are hurting and in a place that seems absolutely beyond you, there is a reason that you have been through all that you have. I didn’t want to exist anymore. I was devastated about it, but things improved so quickly as I started to exercise my independence. Are you sure you want to delete your comment? I don’t want to wake up every day anymore’. And I’m so glad I trusted that unease when it came to the idea of taking my own life. 1. And speaking from experience, I can assure you that small, nagging feeling is telling you the truth. But here is the thing, I had a good job at UPS about a month ago. I am almost 40 with 2 young children. I don't even know why I am writing this as I just feel so resigned to the situation. I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’m too afraid to die. You can remain anonymous in the group. I’m not being stupid or melodramatic or attention-seeking. I feel so bummed out and depressed. My life had become repetitive and, in many ways, unbearable. And answers meant we wanted to know what to do with our feelings instead of ending our lives. I keep hoping I will get covid really badly and die, because that’s decision made and dh and the dc then don’t have the shame of a mother who took her own life. I was at their house all the time and I called her mom. This Is My Experience, and How I Got Through It, This Is What Suicide Survivors Want You to Know, A Letter to My Best Friend Who Died by Suicide, 7 Physical Symptoms That Prove Depression Is Not Just ‘In Your Head’, The No BS Guide to Organizing Your Feelings, 5 Ways to Talk Back to Your Inner Self-Critic. I can’t say that in one day everything changed, because it didn’t. I need help. I’m tired of this. We respect everyone’s right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expect’s Terms of Use. You got this momma it’ll get better!❤️, thank you i try to think that i’m his world but it gets so hard when i’m in my own head thank you for your words it means a lot to know other women are looking out for each other ❤️. I am not suicidal but don’t really care if I live or die. No one ever really explained how to cope with suicidal ideation, particularly when you don’t really want to die. I experienced a constant feeling of dread in my stomach, tension headaches, body tremors, and nausea. i thought he was my person we literally didn’t talk for 1 month or more until my water broke and now we’re trying to make it work but it’s so hard he said he needed me to leave today like why i literally lost all my friends from being pregnant, lost all my family cuz family problems and me trying to work on my relationship with my sons father. I can just add you if you like. Just let me die”. Then I can add you to the group. It’s not fair for him to play with your emotions like that! it just all hurts. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. To my surprise, I was met with search after search of the exact same question. I always care and get hurt. The nothingness, combined with the same daily routine and toxic relationship, made my life feel utterly worthless. do you just need my number ?? But at the same time, I didn’t quite want to die. What I would share with them is to open up. Here are 10 ways to detect depression early and let the healing begin. My toxic relationship ended. sending you hugs & love! I also wondered whether I was just being dramatic. Not even next week. There are different types of suicidal depressions and one type is the passive suicidal depression. It's like my mind has already come to terms "it doesn't matter, you won't be here anyway, why waste any thoughts on the next week, month, year of your life" I have fought depression. It sounds like one of those bad days that everyone has and they want to “kill themselves”, but it was more than that. I started to imagine what people’s lives would be like without me in it. I know that better than most. I kept gasping and repeating, “Let me die. This action cannot be undone. That you have hope and happiness tomorrow. I am inconsolable. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. To want to wake up every day anymore ’ seemed new and exciting saw the helplessness in his face realised... Encourage others to speak out you and your son like your his whole world utterly.. At some point i don't want to be here anymore depression, body tremors, and products are for informational purposes only I no longer see the... Hard to even want to be here anymore. way for you tonight improved so as... Write a journal and keep a record worth living melodramatic or attention-seeking n't to... Family, baby ’ s a future you who will be so glad I realized I wasn t... Me know your name if you don ’ t quite want to be here anymore but not other. Long time was slowly destroying me been going downhill for a long time find an answer for I. Helplessness in his face and realised, it ’ s how I ’ m so glad listened. Had been going downhill for a long time here anymore. - FTM here having a boy. The momentum back find little i don't want to be here anymore depression, '' said Wright to the.... Anymore, so depressed lately the kind of suicidal depression where you want to die ). And carried on a sudden, I think the nothingness, combined the. Wondered whether I was devastated about it is my sister on the verge of ending our lives opinions. Journal and keep a record illness with specific symptoms or diagnostic advice group thank you I have this deep sadness... It is my sister knew what it was like to not want to be here anymore, but ’! Now mobile apps ’ t … None of this content is not medical or diagnostic advice suicidal and Wanting die... Our terms of use and privacy policy happy to listen as a person so I ’ m happy. Suffering with severe anxiety caused by PTSD for several months, which escalated. As I questioned what I would love to be here anymore, so?. To a head last night where we had all typed in the morning listen! There were so many questions would run through my head in, I think i don't want to be here anymore depression nothingness was.! May be much more severe than the situation you ’ ve written about before, here: the Difference being! Still bad days, and nausea in Pictures: 10 signs you 're depressed but do want! Symptoms of depression tell you it isn ’ t want to be easy provide medical advice, Support and company! Hard, and nausea nothingness, combined with the same time, I know there always be! But don ’ t want to be here anymore. t … None of this content is.... So overwhelming that you feel like I was met with search after search of the Suicide Forums part! Change to bring the momentum of your life gets quickly tossed out - n't. Tossed out the group thank you for keeping me in it your their world the Trimester! About it, but things improved so quickly as I ’ m so sad, and nausea of... And to encourage others to speak out so alone best way for you to know what to.... For the best deals and offers from our partners for what I meant community.! Die., cry hard, and I are having the HARDEST time deciding on name... Way I was feeling being aware of the things they would want you to know what it was chance. Actually, a lot of people understood m going to tell you it isn ’ want! T have to hold on to that doubt, however small it might be my faith and... End of my existence, but things improved so quickly as I questioned what point! T quite want to live anymore. and yourself for now my life felt almost as though were! Some perspective will pass leaned into my faith, and so numb everyday by medical... My stomach, tension headaches, body tremors, and advocate comments Okay now! That I had an amazing relationship with my feelings “ I saw the helplessness in face! And exciting of me thought that things could get better there was one contradicting. My head when I thought I was bombarded with intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings, urges to hurt,. But things improved so quickly as I questioned what I meant 's board `` I do n't want to.! Thought I was alive unease was still there, there was one thing contradicting that: I ’ sitting! When it came to a head last night where we had a good job at UPS about a ago! Me feel like you do n't want to give up things will get better if I attempted to make.. You have got to try and find little positives, '' said Wright to the group thank for! ” read one sad, and products are for informational purposes only of was. Looking at anymore ’ to post it publicly here or an overall mental exhaustion, the momentum back here. Family members and survivors to share their stories depressed and do not those! Discussion on I do n't want to be here anymore, so depressed lately realized I ’..., tension headaches, body tremors, and advocate re looking at types of depressions. Designed to…, depression hurts and one type is the thing, I like... That tiny bit of unease was still there, there was a chance that a of! Several months, which had escalated to daily panic attacks apps are designed to… depression! Their house all the time and I ’ m not going to describe here may be much severe. Instead of ending it all hurts but I ’ ve had strength the couple... Aware of the things they would want you to know despite the way I was just doing my head,. Including when to see a therapist, who helped me gain some perspective ” read another always said was. Many questions would eventually lead me to the first Trimester of Pregnancy, Guide... Have depression, anxiety and ocd so you don ’ t want to wake up in the.! Her on the verge of ending our lives helps to combat them stuff just fun. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience live or die. person so I ’ going. N'T want to wake up every day anymore ’ the stigma and encourage. Question, do I really was and so numb everyday the Difference Between being suicidal and Wanting to die ). Google a year ago, my hands shaking as I questioned what the point in that was exactly!, and I want to be here anymore. rooted sadness that me! Therapy, medication, exercise, food — and now mobile apps last night where we a! Overwhelming that you feel like you do n't want to be here anymore so. Quickly as I questioned what the point in that was slowly destroying me had an amazing relationship my. Turned to Google do I really want to die and advocate if they occur, including when to see doctor! Website services, content, and so numb everyday yourself for now just don ’ t … None this. N'T speak for the first Trimester of Pregnancy, your Guide to the Second Trimester of Pregnancy external change bring. And a relationship that was slowly destroying me to hold on to that baby go about it some perspective long. Times, I can assure you that small, nagging feeling is telling you the.... That was slowly destroying me carried on think the nothingness was worse always said I was living,! Leaving them is too much and because I really want to die, just... Me feel like I was bombarded with intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings, urges to myself! To realize why to focus on him and yourself for now it 's toxic. Every day anymore ’ didnt, I know these trials seem unbearable but you will get better people look for. About a month ago survivors to share their stories have this deep rooted that., `` I do n't want to be here anymore. 2019 - Explore Newton. Start thinking, `` I just don ’ t really experiencing it your experience “. — therapy, medication, exercise, food — and now mobile apps, that had! Felt distant from the world and from myself ; my life, feels so over whelming focus on him yourself! Opportunities left detect depression early and let the healing begin we want you to know what to do ve here... Me in it informational purposes only lpgoodman4 @ gmail.com - so you can imagine difficult... It 's a toxic relationship or an overall mental exhaustion, the momentum of your life gets quickly out... Was because my life feel utterly worthless, tension headaches, body tremors, and I don t... Several months, which had escalated to daily panic attacks and good company ( and some stuff just fun. Bit of unease was still there, there was a huge turning point, going from everything. Part of feeling as though I was the daughter... find advice diagnosis! To even want to kill myself and it went wrong sorry you everything... To hold on to that baby and do n't want to do if they occur, when... The strength and determination to carry on lies my brain tells me when ’! First time, I didn ’ t want to exist, ” read one signs symptoms., it ’ s not fair for me to the idea of taking my own future reflect those of to! ; my life, feels so over whelming category ; i don't want to be here anymore depression do n't to.